Open letter apology to John Podhoretz (and a plea for an apology from George Lucas)

OK. So I owe a HUGE apology to John Podhoretz for "dissing" his opinion on Star Wars in anticipation of a raucous review by Jonah Goldberg. I was going on the review of a trusted friend who "loved" the movie. Well, I finally saw ROTS last night. I have only one thing to say: "Never pay, will I, for tickets, to Lucas Movie, again" (said in a growling Yoda voice).

And that really is the shame of this whole thing. After episodes I and II, I was still willing (no anxious!) to let Lucas redeem himself with a slam dunk version of the Darth Begins as such. Lucas blew it and there will not be another movie to redeem this terrible post/pre-trilogy fiasco.

My wife tells me that my expectations were way out of whack and that Lucas has never really written a great film. The one film that was great is "Empire" and Lucas did not write.

Now I'm a lay critic not a professional movie expert... but if I can figure out that Lucas is a terrible (TERRIBLE!) script writer why can't anyone of the set of Star Wars tell him this? For crying out loud the second crew grip could churn out a better script than this! You have one of the single most compelling storylines to tell and you blow it!

We'll start with the single biggest flaw in the movie and then I'll post more as the weekend goes on (because I have to get it out of my system!). Yoda. You should have killed him off in Episode II! (Even though that's a logical impossibility - nod to Agrajag).

My thesis is this: Yoda's unique semantic style should only be used to further the thematic overtones of Star Wars It should never be used as a pedestrian way to further the plot. Take this exchange from Empire:

Yoda: Stopped they must be; on this all depends. Only a fully-trained Jedi Knight, with the Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his Emperor.
Obi-Wan: Patience.
Luke: And sacrifice Han and Leia?
Yoda: If you honor what they fight for? Yes.
Obi-Wan: If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.
Luke: I understand. R2. Fire up the converters.
Obi-Wan: Luke. Don't give in to hate. That leads to the Dark Side.
Yoda: Strong is Vader. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.
Luke: I will. And I'll return, I promise.

Fantastic. Notice Yoda's semantic style works here because he speaks mostly in fragments. The first line of this scene is indeed a full sentence but rather than furthering the plot it speaks to a thematic element. Compare this to a line from ROTS. When Obi-Wan, Yoda and Senator Organa are notified of a special session of congress Yoda concludes: "Easier to enter the council then, for us, will it be." (I'm paraphrasing, but you get the point. This line is a plot element and should have been given to Obi-Wan. Yoda should not be given pithy pedestrian lines.

Neither should he be given campy cliches to make you laugh out loud. For example this classic line that could have been given to Inspector clouseau. "Ahhh, Senator Palpatine, or should I say Darth Sidious!" Arggghhh!! As one lay critic put it "Or should I say, merde!"

There are literally dozens of Yoda lines which made me cringe! As I dig them out of my tortured memory I will let you know!